Requiem
by Yasashisa Ryuu
Summary: Why I wrote this I dont know...don't expect a revision. Ever. FY AU, involving the twins who try to best this small world around them...and ultimatey fall.


Some of you may remember this, or may not...how the hell should I know. It's actually old, and I never could finish it, not even now, since I hate this story (don't a lot of writers hate their work anyways? XD Dam writing process...). I just wish SOMEONE out there, with some good criticism to help me rather than go, "good story update soon." If someone does give me a good review, I'll be happier than when I finally got my ipod. I'm serious.

If all you can provide is some encouragement, than fine...I'll be happy that at least someone liked it... T.T

Note: The twins are in America, mysteriously, somehow...this is an AU. As if you didn't notice. Therefore they do not address themselves by their celestial name, but by their formal names.

Amiboshi-Kotoku

Suboshi-Shunkaku

...I wish I knew their formal names in Chinese to make this story a bit more accurate... . Since they are obviously Japansese names.

Anyway...now that I got that off my back, you can read the story...if you're still interested. ee

Requiem

_Hemmingway thought that life was the ultimate tragedy, and that it's only end was death. _

I. Polyphony

They were twins, but you couldn't call them exactly alike. Physically, of course, they were the same; but it was noticeable that they were mentally separate. I have no other way to explain it. They thought differently, they viewed things differently, they did things differently. One was more mature than the other, if I may also add.

The two were Chinese. Just last summer, they moved here to Los Angeles, alone, and with barely anything. When I say alone, I mean completely alone, save for their mirror self. According to their counselor, their parents were brutally murdered when they were younger. They had no other living relation they knew of. Therefore, they had to fend for themselves.

At only fifteen years of age, the two of them lived alone together in a single apartment, located in a building that was only a block away from mine. In fact, I could see the very porch in which they both owned; they ate outside almost everyday, on a little table placed in the middle of it. For some reason it always compelled me to sit and watch them, each talking about things that they only shared with their twin. Both had messy, dark-brown hair, and had an extensive collection of Chinese clothes. It was all they ever wore, even to school; American-style clothing was apparently not their cup of tea.

I considered them lucky to be able to have all of this out of a simple scholarship program.

I never learned how unhappy they were, or if they even had an ounce of felicity. They rarely talked to anybody. The more mature one mainly spoke through his flute; you could always tell how he felt from there. Whether out of sadness or contentment, he always played beautiful melodies; even the mournful ones were incredibly soothing. This I learned from experience when he played something special for

me on my birthday, when we were skipping band class. I wish he wrote down a composition of that song. It was unforgettable, yet impossible to compose for myself, since I only played the clarinet at an average level. His brother would have followed in his brother's footsteps, if he didn't have a job that required him to work all the way to midnight.

He was really good for his age. I miss the sound of it, through lips that didn't speak. And nobody cared for his talent.

Both he and his brother, Kotoku and Shunkaku, were outcasts, both alone and unguided in a complex, cruel world, with only their wits and their strengths to aid them. Shunkaku clung to his brother like a needy child, who was his ultimate authority figure.

Nobody cared…when they left. Forever.

Listen.

II. Pianissimo

My school was not huge like some others. It was a moderately populated private school, where the gifted and those led by scholarships go to. Here, you either find friends or you don't. Some are just not lucky enough, if you can call it luck. I happen to be one of those unlucky ones; but fortunately the kind who doesn't really care.

Kotoku came to school early today as usual, unlike his brother; he says Shunkaku preferred sleeping in and coming a few minutes before first period starts.

"I guess I'll also mention that it's miraculous that he's never late," he added, and chuckled a little. I was marveled at how light and quiet his voice was, though it always sounded incredibly shy.

Kotoku sat next to me, and gave me a wry smile. I stretched my legs out a little to make some room for him, despite how thin I was. I let out a mumbled greeting to acknowledge him.

The two of us were sitting in the commons, in a little corner by the fish tank. There was no where else to sit besides the floor. People would constantly keep Kotoku and Shunkaku away from sitting in or near their group, even if there was room. I couldn't understand why they were so…_unacceptable._

So they wore weird clothes and they were a bit weird themselves; big deal, I thought. They have no parents. Feeling a little pity for them, I started to let them squeeze into my small territory. They seemed nice enough, so what was the problem?

He stared at me, finding my current predicament a little funny. Today was the second day in a row I was lacking massive amounts of sleep. This time, though, it showed more; my eyes were heavy, red, and dry, and my hair suffered. Kotoku dared to run his fingers through it, brushing and pulling through the twists and tangles. I winced a little.

"You look really exhausted today," he said.

Brushing hair away from my face, I slumped down against a concrete pillar behind us. He just sat and watched me, looking as if he was expecting something.

"Erg…I haven't been getting any sleep lately," I replied, "I don't know why, but…I keep feeling sick at night. Not throwing up, just sick….and shivery."

"That's not good."

Wow, thanks, Captain Obvious. Okay, I am feeling a bit cranky…

"It's not the first time, either."

Why did it feel strange talking to him about my problems, when he's been through so much worse?

Maybe it's because he won't stop petting me…

"Lemme relax…" I tried to mumble, while pushing his hand away. I curled into a ball and tried to take a brief nap. He found this amusing, too, and laughed.

"Sorry. I'll leave you alone."

Then, without even warning me, he let himself collapse right behind me, and took my lengthy, black hair into his hands to play with it, twirling it between his fingers, and wrapping it around his entire hand. He sort of sighed on the way down. Feeling too tired, I let him fool around with it. Either he was extremely bored or he was just…being himself.

"Yeah, that's really leaving me alone…"

I barely knew Kotoku as an individual. I still found his compassion a little heart-warming; it seemed to be a quality that was hard to find among the boys here at school. He was a rare specimen in so many ways, if not a little strange.

Kotoku averted his attention to a group of girls nearby, jabbering away like parrots, arguing and announcing subjects that did not interest me. Their shouting seemed to have caught our ears and forced us to look in curiosity. They were staring and pointing at us, flashing sickening grins that stretched from ear to ear.

With my face burning a little, I tried to shut them up inside my head. It wasn't worth hearing their ridiculous insults. I felt sorry for them, at how ignorant they are, how annoying they can be when they don't know it; hence the popular crowd. Every school seems to have one. It's like this weird, delicate balance of nature, how so many different groups are separated and shunned.

Kotoku was giving them that sad look again. I couldn't see his face but I could feel it. I doubt it was out of wanting to be with them (he said so himself), but possibly out of pity and irritation combined. I turned to get a glimpse of him.

"Uh…is there something you admire in those girls…or something?" I asked sheepishly.

Definitely not the best question…but I needed some sort of distraction for him.

"Huh? No…I was just thinking about, er, other things…"

"Oh? Like what?"

That made him blink. Once, then twice.

"Never you mind."

Silly me. I promised myself that I would ask him those sorts of questions…well, I guess that's why "curiosity killed the cat" is such a popular phrase, if not overused. He still smiled at me, though. Awkwardly.

I continued to delve slightly into the subject. He can't completely shut himself from people forever…

"So…you like it here, right?"

"Certainly fare better than when I was back in China. I mean…I have all that I need here. Food, clothing, a place to live…and a brother."

His smile grew broader. It was established quite a few months ago that he really loved his brother. So much that people started making jokes about it. Kotoku never kissed Shunkaku directly on the lips, but his cheek and forehead as a suitable place. I'm pretty sure that's not the only thing that repels the two from others, but it still made them quite out of place. I felt like I was the only one who accepted this as a normal act.

I was surprised at how oblivious he was to the girls' giggling and insults, constantly eliciting from their mouths. They were planning something cruel again, I knew. Only this time, it's likely that I will be involved.

"Well…I'm glad you're happy," I said in a more hushed tone.

"Hm."

I watched him closely as the features of his smile faded a little, as he closed his eyes halfway to stare into space.

His eyes were beautiful; they were a deep blue, yet coated in sadness. I bet that if he never had to go through so much pain, they would literally glow…with happiness. He always looked as though he was about to cry. I suppose that's also why people find him such a riot; such a characteristic is often considered a pitiful weakness, something to laugh at.

The blue eyes were something I have never seen in Asians before. I guess one of his parents was a foreigner, possibly American. The rest of him was quite distinguishably Chinese.

"What are you staring at?" he suddenly spoke, and let out a muffled chortle. He laughs so casually, despite how sad and torn up he is.

"Eh…I was just…er, spacing out, that's all," the words tumbled out of my mouth as I felt embarrassment take over, mainly because there was a crowd observing every moment of this.

Fine, I didn't want to admit straight-out that his eyes were quite alluring. That smile of his would just not go away…not that I really wanted it to, though…it made me wonder whether he was making a real good effort at forcing one or not.

The group of girls soon dispersed, all saying their goodbyes and the usual "see you later" or "see you during class" bits. Soon you could only see a few people trying to catch up on some sleep, either on the floor or on some benches down the hallway. I just lied there, relaxing my head back to the hard carpet, while Kotoku lied next to me in silence, daring to get closer to my curled-up body. A long period of time passed in silence, as we mused about our surroundings. I could feel the light touch of his fingers caressing my hair.

Sighing again, this time more softly, he brought himself upright and at the edge of our corner. Held tightly in the embrace of his blue sash was a thin, golden flute, dressed in a neatly tied red string that hung at the bottom end. He took his prized possession into his hands and positioned it, preparing to play something. He never used it for band; it was different from the rest of the normal flutes, like one of those primitive kinds from centuries ago. It was the only thing he took with him to China, a legacy of his father. Not once do I ever see him not carrying it to school, or anywhere I see him.

"Do you carry that around with you wherever you go, or something?" I asked, "I see it there all the time…"

Kotoku placed the flute on his lap, though still keeping a good grip on it.

"Well…you never know when the opportunity could come up. Like right now," he let out yet another light chuckle, "I don't think I've ever played something for you before…"

I smiled. He sounded great in band, so what kind of melody could he brew up alone?

"Well, let's hear it."

Once more, he formed the perfect posture for himself, and put the flute to his lips. What came out was something I could never completely describe in words; softly haunting, lonely, yet seemingly full of company. It was a wonderful mixture of various emotions. The melody of it was beautifully higher pitched than a normal flute. I could just feel my body inhibiting the air as I concentrated on this one sound.

It felt like he was "talking" to me…

A crowd was drawing near. A few people were tracing the source of the melody, only to find us practically shut away from the world. I knew they were there, but I did not bother to open my eyes and meet the astonished gazes that looked down upon us. Let them see his talent on their own, and wash away the harsh judgment they always made.

Just then the music stopped, abruptly at a place that did not seem like an appropriate ending. One of the teachers went up to Kotoku and snatched away his flute.

"Hey, keep it down. Some of us want to study instead of listening to the scream of dead cats, you moron."

It was Dan Johnson, a teacher I loathed; I never bother to address him formerly as Mr. Johnson, finding it hard to think that an idiot like him deserves it. He had Kotoku's flute in his large hand, almost looking like he was about to snap it in half between his fingers. Giving Kotoku one of his hard looks, he turned away and walked back into his zero-hour class.

"Wha—that's my father's flute!"

"Don't start on him!" I hissed as quickly as possible, "he'll return it eventually. Don't worry."

"But—"

"Trust me. You don't want to get on his bad side."

Several people were laughing at him; whether at his flute playing or his sudden degradation, I did not know. I had a feeling it was both. Kotoku was practically torn; his face was buried in his hands, and he looked like he was about to lose himself.

"Stop it…"

I tried to help him calm down. Sometimes, when he couldn't control himself enough, he'd have fits, though not as often as his brother. I suddenly felt like I was his mom as I pried his hands away from his face. He blushed a little.

"Just relax," I whispered, "don't let it get to you, they're just trying to be mean…"

"Yeah…you're right…I shouldn't…" his voice very quiet.

I watched his despair evaporate as he turned away from the crowd, and rest his head on my shoulder. Another soft sigh escaped his lips; he looked like a puppy happy to be in it's master's presence.

I blinked several times at what he was doing all of a sudden. Okay, he really was just being himself…

"Um…what are you doing?" I almost regretted my immediate reaction.

He lifted his head to look at me, first in confusion and then apologetically.

"Sorry…" he muttered, and moved to lean on the pillar again.

I ignored the weird looks people were giving us, and decided to lay myself next to him, with my back to him. Maybe my hair would give him something else to think about…

He never moved an inch after that, even after for at least fifteen minutes straight. I felt like I was beside a lump of stone.

I flipped on to my other side. It proved more comfortable to watch something other than people eating in front of me. I noticed Kotoku was concentrating at the ceiling, though in reality he was just thinking deeply about other things. There was a different expression on his face this time…it wasn't sadness, but fear, or worry, or something around that. I wasn't too good at translating facial expressions.

He drew his hand to his forehead, rubbing it like someone wiping away sweat. Slowly, he heaved himself up on his feet. I noticed he was wearing those weird Chinese slippers again, royal blue in color.

For what seemed like a while, he just stood there, running his hand through his hair, as if he was making some sort of difficult decision. People were beginning to stare at him. Eventually he turned to me.

"Um, I have to go…" he said, "I'll see you later…"

He was forcing a smile this time. There was something about the way he looked at me, something that bothered me. He turned away and left down the hall, taking small, but hurried steps.

I sat there and watched him until he disappeared behind the glass doors that led outside. He looked strangely desperate for something…

I would not admit it, until later on, that he was hiding something that was controlling him, turning everything that was good to him to bad, and all that was bad to worse.

Whenever people ask me how I could have tangled with someone like him, I always give them the same explanation. It was not an assumption; it was the truth.

He just didn't know.

III. Camena

It was my birthday today. Naturally, my parents forgot. I say naturally because they have so many other things to think about, to work on, and ways to gather as much money as possible. We were not a rich family. Most of the money they make goes directly towards my education; I sometimes wonder whether this school was really worth the trouble, when I could just develop my potential in even a public one.

My dad gets upset sometimes over the loss of money. Very rarely do I ever see him actually supporting the work I do, since he is not very big on the arts. They bore him to oblivion….or so he says.

I'll remind them after school,I thought, I can wait.

One thing I did like about my birthday is that it was clear out, and moderately warm. The streets and sidewalks were not clogged with people for a change; at least, for now. I was satisfied to have one good gift I've always wanted everyday: a peaceful journey.

As I trudged down the sidewalk to school, I noticed Kotoku standing a few feet away, waiting for a chance to cross the traffic-ridden highway. In his hand was what appeared to be a plastic sandwich bag. He was impatiently shifting his feet back and forth.

I ran up to him, hoping I could startle him just for fun. I paid no attention to whatever it was he was handling. Kotoku leaped from his spot like a salmon the moment I touched his shoulder, letting out a surprised gasp. The moment he got himself together, he turned to face me, while quickly stuffing the sandwich bag in the pocket of his pants.

"Don't do that…can't you just walk up to me like a normal person?"

His tone was completely different from his usual voice; I had never heard him sound so…irritated like this. Even his expression looked a tad bit off.

"Sorry," I apologized, "I thought I could have a little fun…at least, once in while…"

Kotoku said nothing, but marched right onto the crosswalk, when the opportunity suddenly came up. I observed the people in the cars, who were just sitting there and waiting for the traffic light to turn green, staring at Kotoku, as if he was some sort of alien. I must imagine he did look strange, with his lavender kimono and those weird Chinese slippers.

I followed suit, trying to catch up with him and his quickening pace.

He ignored me the entire way to school. But when we arrived at the front doors, he didn't go through them; instead he decided to go elsewhere. He said he just needed to wander outside to clear his mind.

"But…" I stammered, "you just had a long walk to school. Wasn't that enough?"

I honestly didn't know why I worried about him so much, but for now, I didn't care about the random enigmas that ran through my mind.

"I just…need some more time alone, okay? I'll see you soon." Was his curt response.

Once again, I promised myself not to delve into his thoughts, not until he actually felt comfortable about it; I let him be. Reluctantly, but obediently.

I pushed open the doors, entering the building and immediately approaching my favorite spot. Down the hall were clutters of freshman and some upper classman, and teachers observing their every move. I was practically invisible as I passed by them and made my way toward the fish tank. Some girls were talking too loudly; words like "dumbass" and "slut" reached my ears. I predicted another stupid argument was brewing, something I would gladly never be apart of.

Lo and behold, on my way to relaxation, there was Shunkaku. He was reposing in my corner, taking up practically the entire spot, and fast asleep. He did not notice me as I tried to make some room for myself, pushing his legs away until he was curled into a fetal position. He never wore the same thing as his brother.

He stirred a few seconds later, and lifted his head to look at me. He looked surprised for a moment, until his expression turned to a look of disappointment.

"Oh…you're not Kotoku…" he mumbled, and attempted to heave himself upright. Slowly, but gradually.

"Why are you always so tired?" I asked. I figured I should at least talk to him every now and then, since I often paid more attention to his brother.

"I'm not tired…"he continued to mumble, "I just…want to sleep more…"

"Er, that doesn't make a whole lot of, um…"

"Where's Kotoku?"

That was quite sudden. It wasn't a snap, nor was it a real polite tone.

"I don't know. He didn't follow me in."

He looked suspicious, for whatever reason he had. He kept his eye on me for a few more minutes, apparently waiting for me to give in. In truth, I really didn't know where Kotoku could be, or even provide a guess. Shunkaku would just have to sit there and keep wondering if I was lying or not. His eyes soon moved to concentrate on a deep cut in his hand, not bandaged yet freshly beginning to heal.

"Fine…I'll just wait for him," he finally concluded, and dropped down onto his back, wrapping his injured hand around the rim of his shirt. He kept a hard, cold look on his face. I was beginning to feel a bit concerned for his welfare, not to mention curious as well.

"So…" I tried to start off, "why did you come here so-"

"Shut up."

"What?"

"Just don't talk to me."

I had never seen Shunkaku look so depressed today. Before, during the first few months of school, he was all about action; he enjoyed picking playful fights with his brother, talking to other girls, and making fun people. Not to mention getting on other people's nerves. Most of all, he had a passion for drawing random things, and doodling little cartoons of the three of us. He created several little adventures of us fighting some sort of evil in China's ancient times, and we all worshipped and got our powers from a dragon god. He had other characters in it as well, based off of people he knew before he left China. Ironically, though, he made them victims of unfortunate events.

He wasn't too graceful at art, but his drawings were still fairly amusing. Kotoku was annoyed by them sometimes.

Today, though, he was a bit cold and aloof. He ignored me whenever I tried to talk to him. He even ignored his brother at times. I felt something was wrong, but I did not ask what; naturally, it wasn't any of my business.

Yet Kotoku did not seem to mind too much; he acted as if it was just a normal act of Shunkaku, even when he came close to getting hit by his own brother. Usually he didn't tolerate that kind of behavior. This all occurred at lunch, and when I tried to calm Shunkaku down, he pushed me away.

"Stay out of this. You're not my mom," he snapped.

"Well, yeah," I replied, "but you're making a scene here…tone it down…and I'm only making a suggestion for you."

He snorted, and walked away, leaving Kotoku to wonder where he was going.

"Wait…you're just going to leave? I was going to play something for you later…" he yelled, but Shunkaku didn't turn around. Soon, he went right out the front doors and out of sight.

"You're just going to let him leave?" I said in bewilderment, "that's not, er, like you…"

"He'll be back, I'm sure. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, but…nevermind."

Sighing, I got up and left the corner. I couldn't stay there; my face felt red, and people were watching us as if we were some comedy show. Kotoku just waved goodbye, not realizing that I was abandoning him; but then, he didn't care when Shunkaku just left school…

The bell rang almost immediately. The perfect moment for lunch to end, and band to begin.

IV. Silent Call

"Come here," he said, patting the edge of the bed. He was grinning at me.

Lost, and blushing, I bounded over to him, taking small but graceful leaps. I slowly set myself down next to him. Instinctively, he wrapped hi arms around me in a tight embrace. I giggled a little as he placed soft butterfly kisses along my neck and down to my uncovered shoulders, while roaming his hands across my chest and back. He ran his tongue up my neck, and stopped at my lips.

"I want you," he moaned, eyes glittering with lust, with a burning blue flame. He pressed his lips onto mine, forming a deep yearning kiss. My body tensed at the wonderful sensations this produced. His tongue soon slipped into my mouth as he made an aggressive exploration. My breath quickened imperceptibly.

Breaking our kiss, Kotoku lifted me slightly, and lay me down on my back. He got on top of me and began to undress me. I only waited impatiently.

You'd think by now I'd realize how careless I was being. I never did. My entire mind was dominated, and gone. And so was his.

I shivered at my sudden nakedness, but it was a good shiver; it was the spasm of a philandering love. I felt Kotoku do the same as me, who was just as nude as I. Our bodies molded together perfectly as he brought me closer. Our lips were locked once more with a powerful greed, more fire inside us, more unrestrained lust…

Only fragments of memory began to take shape from there, though not perfectly imprinted in my mind. Everything moved so fast that I could not keep up with its quickening pace. Only flashes of those moments of our climax were somewhat clear; the rest, a swirling torrent of image and emotion…of unbridled love fueled on the chaotic substance, which made us soar on pseudo-wings. And also destroyed us.

How could I have not noticed his fatal choice before, when he was defenseless from the mental barrier of ignorance…?

An offending shaft of sunlight pierced my eyes, forcing me to wake up from my otherwise peaceful slumber. Blinking several times, I lifted my head to observe my current surrounding, already poised on the threshold of dawn; a lavender kimono soon fell from my shoulders and chest, slipping away to the floor. My hand gripped what appeared to be the edge of the living room couch. My eyes widened at the sudden chill that enveloped me; I was completely naked. And sore.

I numbly searched my memory for any recollection of how I came to be in this state, but it failed me, leaving me to stare helplessly at the seemingly innocent garment. Everything, from the moment Kotoku removed my clothes, was a blur. Only scattered remains of the pleasure we shared together could be recalled. It caused regret and worry to build up inside me.

My eyes scanned the empty, silent room; soon, they met with the sleeping form of Kotoku, who was also nude, sprawled out on the floor nearby. He looked as if somebody had dropped him. There was a teacup, the same one I drank out of last night, lying next to hi head. A sandwich bag and some pills also occupied the space.

A lump caught in my throat; the true face of horror reared its ugly head at me. I could not breathe, even as tears began to war for dominance in my eyes.

The realization was too much to bear.

Kotoku was on drugs. And he had given me some of his own. My suspicions were not false after all.

I shielded my eyes; the dry heat of tears begging to be shed itched in the back of them. I rubbed them to soothe the stinging pain, but it would not go. It felt like fire.

He had given me some of his own…

The stupidity of what I had done last night. Of this I was aware. The risk I took-now taken, now over with. I was unable to control myself. My common sense left me the moment that drug flooded through my nervous system, dangling my consciousness over a chasm of mental abandon, and turning me into some semi-hedonistic animal.

I could not believe the shame that erupted inside of me.

Silently, I crawled off of the couch, and headed towards Kotoku's bedroom. I needed my clothes; it felt awkward walking around naked in an apartment I didn't even live in.

I poked my head through the door of his bedroom. Sure enough, there they were, though scattered in random places with his clothes. I bent down to pick them up. My stomach suddenly lurched as a terrible realization cut through my mind.

I stared at the bed once more. Shunkaku was not here, not when Kotoku specifically said his brother would be home at midnight. Where could he have gone?

Or worse…

I shook my head and banished the possibility; I hoped and prayed that Shunkaku had not seen us. I couldn't even dare to imagine the look he would've had on his face, and that sickening feeling dominating him.

As soon as I was clothed, I marched back into the living room. My eyes met with the clock on the wall, and my stomach twisted into a knot once more.

12:13 pm. It was already lunch period at school.

I felt my face reddening. With both Kotoku and I-and possibly Shunkaku-not being in school, it would hardly take a genius to realize, or even suspect, what had happened.

And if my parents found out?

It was likely they were mad enough already. If I have to lie my way out of more trouble, then that's just how it's going to be.

Nervously, I walked over to Kotoku, who had not moved in inch since I got up. He looked more unconscious than asleep.

Dropping to my knees, I lifted my hand to prod his head. I noticed the carpet by the cup was wet.

I had never seen such a fevered look on his face, an expression conspicuous of his current degradation. It was horrible; he looked like he was in terrible pain…

I stumbled backward, but then heaved myself to my feet.

I would tell his brother. Something like this would only be between them…he would know what to do with Kotoku. I would not admit to myself how scared I was, how I could not find the will to help him myself.

It was a struggle to keep the tears back, but I would not let them go; I had to leave now. It was fruitless to stall and stare at him, to just think of the horrible things he might have been taking. Especially how long he had been doing this, how long he did not know of the harmful properties these drugs possessed—

My body tensed. I forced myself to stop thinking and walked out the door, abandoning Kotoku. The only thing I let into my mind was the thing I pursued for: to tell his brother. No matter if he saw us, no matter he if had second thoughts, no matter if…

I burst through the front doors, but then immediately converted myself to a casual self-image; people directed their attention towards me. I, too, would stare at someone if they bashed right through the school's glass doors, looking as if the sky was falling. I silently walked by those who pointed and snickered at me, carefully taking calm steps. My body kept stiffening at every noise I heard.

I proceeded to the corner I always sat in, expecting to find Shunkaku there. I found him standing by it and staring at the fish tank, eating a sandwich. He was looking very annoyed, and exhausted. I cautiously approached him, and tapped his shoulder.

"Shunkaku…"

He turned to face me, but soon frowned when he realized I was the one who was talking to him. He resumed eating his sandwich as if I wasn't there.

"Where's Kotoku?" he asked coldly.

"He's still at home…I mean, his home…he…" I stiffened at the image of him lying on the floor, "he needs you. To come home. "

Shunkaku stopped eating, almost dropping his sandwich to the floor as his hand shook. His eyes bore down on me once more; it became apparent to me that the twins' gazes were not exactly alike. Shunkaku's was untamed and icy. Though we were almost the same height, he seemed to be towering over me.

"Why? What's wrong with him?" he said in a hushed tone.

"He…just needs you," was all I could come up with I couldn't force myself to into further details.

Sighing heavily, he threw his lunch down, not caring if he was finished with it or not. He drew his free hand across his forehead, as if he was solving some difficult puzzle. Part of me wanted to come with him; I went ahead when he started for the doors.

"Don't follow me," he growled and pushed me aside, "and…don't come by my apartment anymore. I don't want to have to sleep on a bench outside again like last night."

"Oh, sorry about that…" my face burned considerably, "I didn't really mean, though, to—"

I stopped as soon as I noticed he was already walking away. He didn't even bother to check out.

Time crawled by as I sat anxiously, period after period, wondering if everything was all right between the twins. I knew there was no way to find out until after school. I couldn't even concentrate in art and band.

The opportunity soon arrived the moment my final period was let out, and I bounded off to check on them. I didn't bother to stop by to see my parents; I wasn't ready to face them, nor did I care at the moment if they were worried sick. I had a feeling that if I did, they wouldn't let me go anywhere, no matter the excuse.

I had to see Kotoku. I was already guilty enough of abandoning him.

On my way to their apartment building, though, a thought struck me; it was likely Shunkaku took his brother to the nearest hospital, rather than nurse him himself. That seemed most likely. And that nearest hospital was only a few blocks away, miraculously.

I ran, though in my mind I did not realize I was running. Something inside kept shouting at me, "every second counts!"

The hallway was depressing. Here and there, patients and old people lined the floor, all aided by nurses or doctors, and people who were waiting for assistance. My heart beat fast and my breath was heavy; my body was very tired from the long run here.

That strange hospital smell lingered in the air. For some reason, it reminded me of death.

I stopped the moment I saw Shunkaku, who had his back to me. He was talking with a doctor. His hands were curled into fists.

Silently, I sneaked up to them; considering how hostile he always acts towards me, I wasn't so sure I wanted my presence known to him. I tried to listen to their conversation.

"I'm sorry for what has happened," the doctor's voice caught my ears, "but don't worry so much. He'll recover, and soon enough he'll be able to come home."

"Thank you…" Shunkaku muttered, "I'll just continue waiting, then."

He clutched his stomach, and groaned a little. I saw that his face was extremely pale.

"Well then, I don't think you need to ask me what's going on every five minutes anymore…are you alright?"

Shunkaku took a step back, almost bumping into me. He shook his head as a response, though weakly.

"I think I'm going to be sick," he said, and ran for the bathroom, brushing by me but not noticing me.

"Poor guy is all stressed out…" the doctor muttered, and walked away. He didn't even notice me either, much to my astonishment.

There he was, in the hospital bed. The moment I saw his face, I just wanted to cry. Every part of him…the beauty, the healthy aura that exerted from him…gone. Dead. Swallowed up in the throat of darkness. Even his hair had lost its brilliant luster; it was like a wreath of straw.

He looked like he had aged about ten years.

I couldn't even glance at him. It was too hard, too painful. My body had this sudden, inexplicit urge to rip my heart open, and soothe the ache inside; but I knew the damage was far worse than that. It would become a permanent scar. It would be like his—the wound of loss and grief.

Slowly, I walked up to him. He reminded me of Shunkaku , who slept like a log, impervious to even a person's shouting. Kotoku did not stir once even when I took his hand into my own. I felt how cold it was, but still held it up to my cheek. Perhaps my own warmth would rouse him.

His eyes peered open. It seemed to be a struggle for him to even look at me, and to produce such a weak smile. I knew he was very happy to see me.

"You're so cold," was all I could muster. I couldn't understand why it was so hard for me to talk to him.

His smile faded a little, but it did not melt away completely. Grasping my hand, he beckoned me to move closer to him. The bed was small enough for me to rest my head against his chest, and close my eyes to the sound of his heartbeat. He started to play with my hair, petting it softly and pulling away the small tangles. This time, I liked it. They were feeble motions but still presented him as a living person.

I noticed his breathing was growing decrepit.

"Look, Hana…" he whispered, "a nightingale."

With his free hand, he pointed to the little brown bird on the windowsill, which was searching for some food. It turned its head sideways to look at us. I stared at it for a while, as Kotoku's words echoed in my mind.

"That's not a nightingale, Kotoku." My eyes were beginning to well up. It was true; this diminutive bird was nothing more than a Chickadee. A common bird.

He just kept smiling, the pain only a memory. It was just me, and this bird, that he only saw, and felt. He was gradually disappearing from the world and its terrible reality. I clung to his hand more tightly to keep him here with me; I was afraid he would leave, the part of him that I loved most.

"We share the same melody," his voice was growing weaker with every sentence, "I want to fly like that bird, someday…I being the only instrument I would ever need...each feather…a fragment of my brother."

"Fragment?"

"Wings…to fly. You're the heavens, the air…"

I couldn't imagine this as possible; Shunkaku started to have this strange disliking for me ever since that night. Yet Kotoku's words made little sense to me.

"I don't understand…" I said, though muffled by his loose shirt.

He rubbed my hand, exerting a soft pressure on it. His eyes were beginning to water. Yet that same expression would just not leave his face, that soft spark happiness that he constantly forced to convey. I was on the verge of tears.

"How can you smile like that!" I yelled, not even thinking why I was so irate, "look at you! Look what you've been doing, look how you've ended up! Look at all the pain that's clogged in your mind! What makes you think that I see you as a happy person? It doesn't make sense!"

I took fistful of his shirt and tugged at it, almost pulling him up. He grabbed my hand and ushered me to stop; I could feel him shaking. He stared at me thoughtfully. His face was extremely pale, almost ghostly.

"I love you…"he whispered, his voice husky. It sounded like a prayer.

I calmed myself a little, but the pain still continued to show. I didn't know how to suppress it, except bury my face in his chest, and just listen to him. I noticed he was still warm.

"I know," I replied absentmindedly.

"I don't like this world."

I pushed his hand away to hug him, despite how difficult it was to keep from crushing his frail body. He put his arms around me in response. I felt I could relax now.

"Now you know what those drugs do to you," I said softly, "don't take them anymore. They literally eat you alive and make you someone you're not."

"I'm sorry," he said apologetically.

Silence. The chickadee flew away to search another area for food. We were alone now. A lone wind blew through the open window, giving us a temporary reprieve from the heat.

"Do you regret last night?" he started.

My body grew limp at the thought of it. I tossed aside the intense shame that I believed I should feel, even though my subconscious did not agree. I let my silence speak for him.

He sighed. His whole body shuddered as the air escaped him, and he resumed breathing once more. It was a weak rhythmic motion.

"Just as long as you're happy…then I can be in peace," he whispered.

A final, heaving breath; and then, I heard no more.

I moved away from the bed. His hands fell to his sides with little effort as I pushed them away. Form there, I stood by him, and stared; I concentrated on every part of him, on his elegant facial features, and his limp arms. My eyes moved to a plastic bottle on the floor, under the table that sat next to the bed, with a pile of pills spilling from its mouth. Some were scattered around the pillow of his bed. The lid was nowhere to be seen.

It took me at least a minute to realize I was crying. I gave up trying to keep them from coming out.

Because now, nothing mattered anymore. Nobody's opinions, nobody's cruel stares, could penetrate me. There was nothing left to hurt or mentally touch. So many wild thoughts began to take over; why…did he have to end it now…?

Shunkaku entered the room, shattering the dark emptiness that had fallen over it. I saw his cold eyes immediately glare at me. His face was still sickly pale, and lined with sweat.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed.

I said nothing. No words could form in my mouth. He grew tired of waiting for my response almost instantly.

"Get out," he said menacingly, "and don't ever come back here."

I obediently followed his request, and marched out the door. It was a death wish to stay there anyways, with him around, and with his brother dead. His plaintive wail would soon resound all throughout the noisy hospital; I dared not stay for it. Stiffly, I walked towards the entrance; I suddenly felt empty and abandoned. The entire world shut up in my head as I pushed the glass doors open.

Something felt dead inside of me. It was over before it even begun.

The air screamed in a distant whisper: "…Kotoku!..."

I came home for the first time in almost two days. Even though I was slightly afraid to, I wasn't surprised when they came up to me and yelled in my face. Most of the yelling was done by my mom.

"Where were you! You specifically said you would only stay an hour or two!"

"What were you doing over there all night? I don't recall giving you permission to stay at some boy's apartment, now did I? And don't even give me some damn excuse; I've heard enough of you're little jokes and lies! You will tell me everything, whether you like it or not!"

The moment I saw that they were done exploding, I sharply drew my breath in, and told them everything. Every single detail, every belief and every fact that held within Kotoku and his brother. I told them everything. And I did not lie, either.

I did not care what they thought; my emotion of fear and angst had left me to fend for myself. They will know, and they will learn to accept it.

I went to my room with nothing to eat.

They thought I was an idiot, thought I had completely lost my mind. They could not see the smart, intelligent girl they once knew only a day and night ago. I did not care what they said about me, yet I still remained frustrated- the truth would forever be weighted upon my shoulders, because they will never listen; they will never believe that Kotoku was merely ignorant. No one would, no matter what kind of argument I would produce.

To all, Kotoku was a sex-crazed stoner; his brother, a psychotic high school student who possessed the mind of a child. The twins were seen as among the darkest parts of society, unacceptable people no one would want to deal with. They were judged even before their qualities became known, which never happened.

The tears had ended hours ago. The vividness of the images emotions refused to leave me. My strength had abandoned me.

The depressed sobriety of the room added to my insomnia, even long after the clock struck midnight. Nothing but the soft, lulling sound of cars on the highway could be heard through my open window.

Movement caught my eyes, at the porch where the twins resided in. I immediately guessed it was Shunkaku; I didn't have a clue who else could be within his quarters. He was pounding something that looked like the porch railing, possibly crying and shouting curses at everything around him. He paused for a moment, and stared at some sort of object in his hand.

He threw it in the air. It glinted against the streetlights below, and dropped to the ground. It was so faint that I could not tell what it was. I shook my head; none of it was any of my business, and it didn't matter. I watched as Shunkaku retreated back into the apartment.

He was more alone than I was.

It was very early in the morning. I still haven't allowed myself a wink of sleep. I remained by the open window, staring constantly into space. In the back of my mind, I imagined how outraged Shunkaku might have been the moment he saw a piece of him gone. The scene played over and over again, each time given more new additions of possibilities.

My eyes stared fixedly at the dark sky, highlighted by an orange-yellow hue around its edges. The faint stars continued to pierce through that inky darkness. And, shining brightly, the crescent moon itself, poised above me in the center of the sky.

_"Perhaps someday…I'll show you the true beauty of the sky, untouched by those annoying city lights. It's what you've always wanted, is it not?"_

The moon smiled at me. I did not smile back.

VI. Illusion

I was quite oblivious to people at school; though I know I should have been trying to interact with others, I never found the will to want to be with the people here. Because, after all, I would never see them again in a couple of years.

Today, I shadowed myself from others more than I could ever imagine. I inhibited the air itself; I was practically invisible, and I was the only one in school who knew of Kotoku's direful fate. He was not known enough by almost anybody, so it's likely nobody has learned about it yet. I would not tell them; I would let the teachers do that job for me.

Shunkaku never came to school all morning. This didn't surprise me, though; I too, would find it hard to do anything after you've lost someone you loved.

I couldn't understand how I forced myself to come here in the first place, minus the fact that my parents made me. It was hard trying to avoid looking terribly solemn in public. It was like a habit that just stuck instantly, the moment Kotoku disappeared from me forever.

All of it-my emotions, my despair-are like the ocean or the sky; they are vast bodies that could never be contained.

I ate lunch outside, on the hard, concrete ground. I proved better than feeling loneliness take over in the corner I always sat in, like the endless cycle of memories that kept cutting back at me. I could only fill myself with half a bagel. My appetite was not sufficient enough.

Here, I felt more isolated than in the school. I guess the endless number crowds in the hallways always made me feel a bit more crammed than this. Relaxing, I let the depressing images completely dominate me. I was tired of fighting back. Hot tears slipped down my face, and I tried to cover them and wipe them away. There were still people around me.

"Hana!"

The never-ending cycle of images was interrupted when I heard my name. Drying my tears, I got up to my feet to see who called me.

It was Shunkaku. And he did not look like he desired a polite conversation.

He was running up to me, looking furious. I felt frightened the moment I saw his face, how red it was, how it was filled with tears of rage; also because I didn't know why he was upset with me, only me. I wasn't the fault of his brother's death.

I took a few steps back, afraid that he would run straight into me like a bellowing bull; but he slowed down the moment he was only a few feet away from me.

"You…" he said between gasps of breath, "You…you took…him away…"

"Um…excuse me?" I said, stupidly. I understood him perfectly well, but something urged me to have him repeat it.

"My brother is dead…he's dead because of you, you idiot!"

"Wait, why are you—"

"It's all your fault, that you even dared to come near him."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. "What…no, Kotoku wanted, er, to be around me…"

"Shut up! I don't want to listen to your stupid excuses! He's dead, nothing will bring him back…nothing…everything's just…gone…"

At that moment, he burst into uncontrollable sobs. He sort of stumbled, with one hand covering his face, then slumped down onto the wooden bench behind him. I tried to help him relax.

"Don't touch me…" he mumbled.

"Sorry…I'm just…trying to help…"

He snorted, and then turned his back to me. He wrapped his arms around himself to find comfort in his own warmth; a body that shared the exact properties as kotoku.

"Stupid girl…"

He was acting like nothing I have ever seen in any high school student. _Baby _too kind a word, but the closest one. But I had no right to blame him; I watched as his well-ordered universe crumbled with the disappearance of his only family, the only thing he could ever depend on. He was literally going berserk. For me, I would have found a way to move on and redeem myself, but to him, his life had completely fallen apart, and there was no chance in surviving alone. There was nothing else he was willing to let take care of him. Especially not me.

He could not stop crying. I made an effort to comfort him, but he would push me away.

"Don't touch me with your dirty hands!" he spat.

He called me a bitch, and many other things that he could think of to vent his outrage; but mainly bitch as the most suitable insult. They were nothing more than mere words to me. I remained silent, and gave up trying to make him feel better. He just sat there, frozen at the thought of his lost, at the coming future that he knew would surely condemn him. The redness in his face drained away to a pale color.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say. I didn't know what else could get through to him; I doubted that was even close to being worthy to him. "I didn't know, there was nothing I could do."

"Just shut up. I don't want to hear your voice," he snapped, and his tone grew louder with each phrase, "I don't want to see you. I don't even want you to be alive while my brother is dead!"

"I—"

"It's all your fault he's gone!" soon he was up on his feet, throwing his arms wildly in the air, and practically losing his mind, "you made him take those things, you made him steal money from me so you could have a little share of it yourself! He had to get involved with some stupid bitch like you!"

"But—"

"Now look; I have nothing else! Because it just so happens that we had to go here, where you are as well! There were so many other places to go to…but no, we had to get stuck here, we had to be led to a point where everything would end for me!…"

And on he went. Ranting, raging about how I, and the world, was against him, an unplanned speech thrown in so many different directions. He reminded me of a lone wolf howling for its pack to come back. I was in a shock, transfixed at the anger that continued to dominate him and spew out in a clutter of blame and nonsense. I couldn't get my word in and reason with him. It was apparent that he wasn't willing to listen, but rant on and on about everything in his mind to supposedly make him feel better. It was just pathetic; I pitied for him greatly, and also frustrated that I had no way of helping him.  
Suddenly, it stopped. He was staring directly at me.

"Why are you giving me that look?" he asked, in a more hushed voice. He looked exhausted.

Was he finally calming down?

I watched him advance towards me, his hands curled into fists, beckoning to violently pummel something to oblivion—

"Why! Do you find me funny? Do you think I'm just joking around!"

I cowered, pressing my back against the concrete wall. Half of me believed he wouldn't resort to hitting me out of blame, but the other half was too cautious, too full of fear. That was the side that showed, that pleaded Shunkaku to stop as he grabbed my arm, and dragged me up to my feet. I had no idea what he planned to do. I dared no to look at the cold stare that bore down on me, all full of malice and initial hostility.

"Don't just go and play some stupid game with me," he hissed, tightening his grip on my arm, "You think you're so high and mighty…"

"L-let go of me!" I yelled in outrage, but he wouldn't listen. Not even to himself. He was deaf to the sound of reason and truth, I realized, and there was nothing I could do. I did not heed the shouts, curses, and tears that erupted from him. I ignored the pain that formed in the part of my arm that he held.

I awaited the blow.

Order was restored when one of the teachers noticed Shunkaku's sudden outburst, and ran up to us to correct the problem. This was mainly right at the moment he had me by the arms, clearly attempting to do something awful to me. I was relieved. Even if it was Dan Johnson who had just saved me, I was still able to calm myself.

Shunkaku fought him wildly, surprised and angered by the sudden interruption. Dan called for some help, and soon a few more teachers volunteered to hold the struggling boy down. It took an astonishing amount of effort; it made me wonder how much pain Shunkaku intended to inflict upon me.

"Why don't you all go to hell!" he screamed, "Just leave me alone! I don't need anybody's damn help!"

"We're not trying to help you, but get you away from _her,_" Dan said, and pointed to me. He was a very blunt man.

"Shut up you, you stupid—"

Once more, he aimed several flailing punches at the teachers, despite that his arms were held fast. Knowing that he would not calm down anytime soon, Dan dragged him across the ground and toward the doors into the school, aided by the teachers who held Shunkaku's arms. One went ahead to hold the doors open.

All I could do was stand there, unable to do anything. Nothing compelled me to run away.

"This is all your fault!" he yelled at me one last time, "All of it! I hate you, and I'll die before I even think about forgiving you!"

"Will someone _please _cover this kid's damn mouth?"

It ended just like that. I never saw him again.

Blame is a terrible thing that all humans share. It is a common tool used to take the guilt off our backs, to avoid admitting the truth. For some, it's a natural instinct. Shunkaku never grew up, but only relied on this one thing to survive the complications of our society, and always expected his brother to cover for him; cover every stupid thing he did, which Kotoku was willing to do. It seemed a long ways before he would actually mature; a long climb up a steep, jagged hill.

Days crawled by after Kotoku's death. It became extremely lonely here at my corner; I was not used to the emptiness. Shunkaku was not coming to school. If he was, I doubt he would sit here anymore. Not after that episode he recently put on.

I have never seen anybody so psychologically damaged as him. The pain he endured everyday was a true battle of wits and strength. It was lost the moment his world was crushed. And Kotoku…how he had to deal with him, to continuously try to love him for who he was…

No wonder Kotoku always looked like he was about to cry. The drugs, the feeling of loneliness, the stress…everything.

Word spread quickly on the morning on February 14th. I was minding my own business in my corner, staring at the air as if I was waiting for Kotoku once more, for some part of him to come back. Lizzie came up to me, prodding my shoulder to grab my attention. I gave her one grim glance and that was all. I was surprised when she didn't even snort at this.

"Here," was all she said, and handed me what appeared to be a note. She gave me a grim look, and turned away, apparently not wanting to see me read it. It was not a look of pity; it was just a sad look that denoted me as pathetic.

My hands fumbled to open it, which was neatly folded with care. The words _'out of' _and_ 'pity'_ crossed my mind after I read what was inside.

My eyes scanned the single sentence on it, messily written as if the writer was nervous, scared to share the current news with me.

I could not blame that person; though the pain I felt now would be nothing compared to those who were shocked by what they heard.

It was over. There would be nothing more to write.

Shunkaku joined his brother.

A lone wolf does not have a pack. It only searches for the ultimate authority figure that it can depend on.

VII. Requiem

A soft patter of rain covered the ground, molding the soil into a thick layer of mud. Shrouds of misty fog appeared as the air grew colder. Darkness began to settle in the wet sobriety of the clouded sky, and soon people began to disperse from the streets and the small park nearby.

A lone figure trudged through the thick masses of mud, wearing nothing but a small leather coat and shorts. Her flip-flops made it difficult to get away from the dirty, wet soil. Her voice elicited a curse when one of them fell off her foot, and landed in a small, brown puddle.

Struggling to retrieve it on one foot, she bent down and fished for it.

"Hana, come on! We're going to be late!" a voice rang out. It was her mother, who was way ahead of her and already safe on the sidewalk. The girl looked back to acknowledge her.

"Hold on…"

Her hand brushed against something inside the mushy water. Immediately, she pulled it out, thinking it was her lost flip-flop. Instead, it turned out to be something long and heavily covered in mud and leaves, almost looking like it had been here for ages.

Curious as to what it was, she held it up, letting the rain wash away the soil from it. Her hand wiped away any excessive mud until it was quite distinguishable. Her foot relaxed into the mud, but she didn't care. The rain ceased inside her mind; she shivered from its unveiling.

A thin, golden flute, dressed in a neatly tied red string that hung at the bottom end.

Her heart stopped along with her hand, eyes stinging with tears as she took in every part of it, every memory that still clung to its small body, only half the instrument of the very last song it ever released. The day the music died…

A remaining legacy, a simple memory. He was not alive, but not quite dead…

End


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